This may sound weird but I feel comfortable in the darkness, similar to a child with a her favorite baby teddy bear. I grew up in a shattered, emotionally withered family with a gorgeous complexion, with the rosy cheeks and laughing grin. I have always felt like I had to hid this secret, the secret of life, the truth of my life. Everyone goes to school with a high five and I go with a smile because I am away from home. The only way to be happy is self-generated perfectionism woven deeply into my robotic attitude of success. I will be an A student, I will be a perfect worker, I will have the perfectly clean room. All the while, I feel things eating at me: I am a passionate, happy, carefree soul that wants to scream out: hey, I want to be creative, free, splashing in the waterfalls, playing in the sand, soaking in the sun, reading strategy books, playing board games, exploring, expanding my mind and seeing the beauties of this life.
Darkness has been normal in my life. My crippling anxiety that has fixed itself in my life has been the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. It teaches me the truth: the honest truth. It says: Alexis, stop this – go live your life. But on the other hand, it demolishes my thyroid, makes my dreams waver before my eyes, makes me doubt, makes me worry.
I have to say: it is time to set my internal darkness free and not be afraid of what it is saying.
I certainly know some things it is saying to me right now:
- Join a creative, strategic marketing team
- Do Grassroots 3x a week
- Do Green Yogi 2x a week
- Save up to travel the world